I spend the early afternoon browsing the booths and tents of the Hilo market, then the late afternoon sipping slowly on a kombucha at a coffee shop. Todd arrives in town just before nightfall when the city begins to wind down and soften. Todd pulls the car next to the Conscious Culture cafe where I had been sitting by the window watching the transitory nature of things. Upon seeing him again I can’t help but smile; his presence is uplifting and familiar. It makes me feel immediately like I was in an unfamiliar land, but now I’m safely back home again. When we drive out of Hilo and the first rushes of jungle trees pass by the windows of the car, I roll down the window, close my eyes and breathe in the humid and dense air wafting in off the ocean.
We arrive back at Hippie Art Farm in the dark and meet Bob in the kitchen. You’re back, he says with a smile that stretches and creates dimples of joy and wisdom across the canvas of his face. Yes, but not for long, I say. I explain that I’m looking for other options, something more yoga-specific where I can develop my teaching skills. Teach yoga here, says Bob, and stay as long as you want. I look at Todd out the corner of my eye. He’s smiling. You should stay here, he repeats. It’s been a long day, and one with many new discoveries; I know I need time to absorb and digest my next move slowly. I tell them both I am grateful for their offer and I will think about it, though as I say this I notice new thoughts popping up in my mind.
I almost can see thought bubbles forming above the top of my head, containing messaging of: is it really a good idea to stay at the same property as Todd? What if we get sick of each other? How can I keep my sense of independence while sharing such close quarters? Will this do more harm than good? What if things don’t work out, where will I go?
Instead of giving in to them, I focus on how good it feels to be back on HAF and back with Todd. His energy and presence makes me feel warm and serene. I will focus on that, and not the transitory nature of my situation. I’ll figure everything else out later on, I decide. Things always work themselves out, and this time is no different. I just need to have faith. I need to keep my goals top of mind and continue to stay positive that I came back to Hawaii for a reason.